Mr. Venkat! this post is the result of our company’s stupid ad..

Advertising always attracted me, even from the time when the only channel you could watch was far sight. I used to thoroughly enjoy the ads of Boost, Complan, Nirma, Maggi, Campco, Lijjat Pappad lifebuoy etc. Even now, when the 200 channels of my television are jammed with different channels showing programs ranging from totally irrelevant news to 13456^th episodes of saans bahu soaps and the thousands of ads that come up between them, I remember what Campco chocolate ad’s jingle used to be. Unfortunately the advertisement brainiacs now-a-days don’t come up with sweet jingles like “Aao bachchon thume khilaaon chocolate hindustaan ki….”, instead we have lines like “Kit Kat mehnathi naujavaan cowboys banaathe hai”, with video clipping that shows shirtless, Brokeback Mountainish guys crushing chocolate and nut in ural using ulakkas, with their sweat dripping onto the chocolate and nuts, which makes me squirm in my seat and to end the ad a cacophonic voice tries to croak “Kit-kat break banta hai”. Seriously? I mean Seriously?? To be fair to the companies like Bajaj who still come up with good ads, I must say not all ads that are made now-a-days are bad.

Occasionally do companies come up with ads that are as bad as the ad with Mr Venkat and Mr HCL that too from a company that came up with the line “our numbers do the talking”. The first ad showed that from the micro bacteria that rest in your unwashed underwear to the dirty paan stains that adorns most of the govt. offices in UP, HCL is behind everything and everyone. This is the best example of how to make an ad that not only tarnishes the image of the company but drives away potential customers who might be even remotely interested in the company.

Here is the full ad with dialogues that they censored. The words in italics and the words that are struck off were strategically edited off from the film or overlaid by good dubbing artists.

Mr HCL: Lift Please

Mr Venkat: Sure hop in.

V: Oh computer guy eh?

H: Duh! Dude I work for HCL

V: Oh ok so you don’t know anything about computers?

H: That’s not what I meant.

V: That’s what a common man would understand.

H: So what do you do?

V: Im an investment banker

H: What the hell are you doing driving in the middle of a desert?

V: What the hell are YOU doing in the middle of the desert? I was only driving by.

H: Ok Ok leave that. Did you know that we power the stock market.

V: Dude you seriously think an investment banker is that dumb?

H: Oh and guess what the stock market just crashed!!

Mr Venkat suddenly applies break. The car skids a bit and comes to a stop.

V: Pha panna $#@%$#$% mone. Ninte ammoommede $#@$#@#%$. You don’t even have mobile network in the middle of this desert and you suddenly say stock market crashed. What do you take me for?

Gives one tight slap to Mr HCL.

H: Oh sorry Mr Venkat I didn’t mean to scare you.

V: Scare me? You are bloody irritating the crap out of me! And seriously who wears pink shirts to work? Are you like gay or something?

H (with tears in his eyes): Yes

Mr Venkat feels sorry for him and decides to go easy on Mr HCL from now.

H: See that ATM? We connect it to the bank.

V: Ya ya you are great.

H: See that laptop that kids are playing with? It is our company’s school PC program.

V: But I thought that was a Compaq laptop.

H: Nonsense Compaq does not make laptops; they are a movers and packers company.

V: Sigh

H: Mr Venkat my ride is here.

V: Is that bull your ride?

H points to a helicopter

H: No I am going overseas for a live science project and Mr Venkat, that is a…

V: Ya it’s a cow. Ha Ha. You peeked between the animal’s leg this fast? And what the hell is the helicopter doing in the middle of nowhere. Who is your boss? Osama?

H: No Mr Venkat you see my company couldn’t afford to buy me tickets to USA so I was hoping I could hitchhike all the way to US. First it was a cycle, then a bike, then your car and now the helicopter. I hope to catch a plane next. Oh and in India the latest fad is for the groom to arrive in a helicopter for his wedding. Most probably the pilot is waiting for the bridegroom party to arrive.

H: Oh I forgot to ask. Where are you heading Mr Venkat?

V: My wife is pregnant. I couldn’t get train and flight tickets so thought would drive all the way.

H(running away from the car) : Oh Mr. Venkat did you say your wife was pregnant? Our team at HCL was behind it. When did she test positive? Was it last month? Then I myself must be behind it.

V: Bastaaaaaaaaaaaard!!!!

H (to Helicopter pilot): Hello bhaiyya. Lift milega?…

I wish they would have stopped it with that single ad. But no, for the love of God how could they do that? They went ahead and made a sequel. I can understand the need of filmmakers to make sequels to shitty movies where producers try hard to get back some of the cash they lost the first time. But a sequel to an ad that was unbelievably irritating, oh man that’s unbelievable.

When the first plan to hitchhike to US failed, Mr HCL takes a loan from a reputed banking firm at a very low rate. Since HCL was behind the stock market, they just told the bank if they didn’t reduce the interest, they would turn off the screen on which the stock data runs. As you can see the bank had no choice. Mr HCL gets the tickets and is sitting in the waiting area and guess what? guess what? Mr Venkat sits opposite to him and when the boarding call comes, accidently takes Mr HCL’s jacket.

V: Damn!! Suddenly my jacket smells like my feet!

Mr HCL gets up from his chair and wears Mr Venkat’s jacket.

H: Wow! the air-condition in the waiting area is good. My jacket is as good as new.

In the mean time Mr Venkat is on his way to the plane.

Sardarji and his wife: Oye Paajee Thank you. Our business was small your IT has changed our life. After my wifu bought HCL computer our bhainssaa is giving extra 3 litres of milk pajee. Your company is great pajee.

Kid from bus to the flight: Hey you are the guys who made this game and the software and the machine that the game is running on and the hands that are holding the machine and the body the hands are attached to. Oh wait. Daddy…..!!!

Pilot of the flight: Oh because of you our flys flights have become a lot safer. The tip of our penis plane does not get stuck and it is never left open causing an embarrassing situation.

(The Sardarji and his wife is understandable, the bastard kid in the bus is imaginable but, a pilot roaming around in the aisle? Well maybe it’s a low cost airline and the pilot may be multi-tasking. My bad.)

By the time Mr Venkat finds his seat and sits on it, Mr HCL follows and says a sentence which no sane man who got his smelly jacket replaced with a fresh one from a guy whose wife’s chastity was questioned would say.

H: Mr Venkat can I have my jacket back.

V: Mr HCL!!!! I was thinking how come my jacket became this smelly!

H: On second thoughts you better have it on.

Hot girl with HCL laptop: Oh you work for HCL? Just look at this damn laptop, this is not switching off! The pilot just came by and told me to switch off all electronic equipment.

V: But I.. I don’t work… I am not….

Mr HCL gives a wicked grin from the back seat.

~ by mangonel on October 8, 2008.